GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST
VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says
everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
people mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT
VIRUS: Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each
of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the
most important part of the computer.
PAUL REVERE
VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns
you of impending hard disk attack---once by LAN. Twice if by C:.
POLITICALLY
CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to
itself as an "electronic microorganism".
RIGHT TO LIFE
VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it
is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a
counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS:
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole
thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO
VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
OPRAH WINFREY
VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then
slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every
three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
THE MCI VIRUS:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much
for the AT&T virus.
TED TURNER VIRUS:
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD
SCHWARZENNEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be
back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:
Prevents you system from spawning child processes without joining
into a binary network.
GALLUP VIRUS:
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their
data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
error).
WOODY ALLEN
VIRUS: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on the daughtercard.
TONYA HARDING
VIRUS: Turns your BAT files into lethal weapons.
HILLARY RODHAM
CLINTON VIRUS: Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg.
OLLIE NORTH
VIRUS: Plays a patriotic WAV file while it shreds your files.
JOEY BUTTAFUOCO
VIRUS: Attacks only minor files.
LORENA BOBBITT
VIRUS: Your hard disk turns into a 3.5 floppy.
RONALD REAGAN
VIRUS: Saves your data but forgets where they are stored.
JANE FONDA VIRUS:
Attacks your hard drive's FAT.
ADAM AND EVE
VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple computer.
CONGRESSIONAL
VIRUS #1: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a
message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the
problem.
CONGRESSIONAL
VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but
doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
AIRLINE VIRUS:
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS:
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard, or it
becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive.
JIMMY HOFFA
VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
LAPD VIRUS:
Claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and
erases them in "self-defense".
